No Eye Contact

“Don’t make eye contact!!!” I scream-whispered to Danelia, my housekeeper, who had the temerity to come into the nursery and squat down to greet the baby staring up at her.

Danelia leaped back from the wide-eyed two month old, mouth agape. I could see what she was thinking: You need to avoid eye contact with certain wild animals (bears or lions?) in order to avoid being eaten alive. In an encounter with a gun-weilding, drug-crazed mugger, you’d want to avoid eye contact. But your nine pound baby…why are you so afraid of what might happen if I make eye contact with her. She has no teeth, no gun. It is perfectly safe to make eye contact with your baby. So what you must really mean is that you are afraid of swine flu. You think I have been shaking hands with Mexicans even though I am not from Mexico, I am from Nicaragua. You Americans cannot keep anything beyond your borders straight!

I hastened to explain my whole rationale. And, believe me, I had my reasons. I am always one to do my homework, so before giving birth, I read up on how to put a baby to sleep. I learned that the most important thing, perhaps the only thing that all the experts agree on, is this: NO EYE CONTACT.

Pediatrician Weissbluth warns about this. The Extreme Nanny Gina Ford forbids eye contact. A Google search reveals 1.39 million results, all of them with the same advice: “The most powerful wake-up activity is direct eye contact,” explains one site. “Parents who make eye contact with sleepy babies inadvertently encourage them to snap out of their sleep zone,” warns another site.

“You see, eye contact is a powerful wake-up signal,” I explained.

Danelia looked at me, still unimpressed.

Well, it wasn’t just the eye contact thing. It was also that my babies had reached the significant age of eight weeks. I had read was that at two months babies become VERY SOCIAL. They are likely to miss out on sleep, one book explained, “for the pleasure of your company.” It was my job to moderate for my babies the pleasure of my company, and that of other company.

“And now that they are two months old, they are getting really social.”

Danelia looked at me. Then she looked at my daughter, a tiny scrap of flesh wrapped in a swaddle, so much like a frog burrito with pacifier.

Dangerous to make eye contact with her…very social.

The look of bemusement on Danelia’s face gave me the first sense of perspective I’d had since giving birth. I had become yet another Crazy Mother.